he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
