I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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