1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
