masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
