Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize