You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
