do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
