fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
