Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
a search helicopter?!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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