I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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