Can i not drive my cunt home
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
