Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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