am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
