This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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