sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
