My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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