Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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