Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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