she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My ass is underappreciated
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
