My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
