Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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