I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
