Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
