Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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