bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
