angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
