Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
