I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
