Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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