new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
