god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
