I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize