When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
