Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
