My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
