Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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