I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
