I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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