i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize