I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
