"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
