I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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