Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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