Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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