I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
