And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
