youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
