someone get that fucking seahorse.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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