I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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