"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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