I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
