Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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