Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
