How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
