Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She told me I should be a condom model.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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