Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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