when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
