You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
