I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
