Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize