Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
