I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
