RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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