so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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