mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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