Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
