so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my shit smells like andre
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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