You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
