I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
