And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
