I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
