his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
