Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
