Just fell off a train. Bad.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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