Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
