don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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