We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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