Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
