ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
