I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
