if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
