I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
