if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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