Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am midnight drunk by noon
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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