i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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