Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
