theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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