just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
