you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
