i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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