Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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