Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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