So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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