Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
