You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
