Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
