I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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