life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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